Three years ago, my nemesis Nums and I embarked on a challenge. Who could choose NFL Football games more accurately? A man named Guts with more passion and American vigor in his pinky than is contained in the entire Bible Belt and possessing nothing more than pure football instinct and a love of the game OR a boy named Nums with a calculated system of proven indices created for the sole purpose of mathematically calculating the outcomes of games played by real people, human people. The answer was as shocking as the outcome of the super bowl (the giants beat the undefeated Patriots). Nums won, narrowly, sending me into a downward spiral of shame and physical self-degradation. But all that is behind me now. This year marks the return of Guts vs. Numbers and a return to glory. I will accept nothing less than pure domination over the rigid and anal ways of my counterpart.
The last three years
-Guts is now a 3rd year law student and still hates Nums.
-Nums is a civil engineer, living in Chicago and still wets the bed.
-Nums recently joined Guts' home fantasy football league and the two will be picking those games as well. (Not to be counted for the contest).
Contest Capsule: Each week, Nums and I will choose NFL games against the spread. I will use nothing but Guts and Nums will use stupid poopie-head numbers.
Today is the start of the 2010 Football season. In a rematch of last year's NFC Championship Game, the New Orleans, defending super-bowl champs, feel good story from a year ago, host teh Minnesota Favres. New Orleans is pumped, excited, talking repeat. The Vikings are historical losers as a franchise and despite his ONE super bowl ring, so is Brett Favre. He is also an idiot. BUT, I do not suspect Favre's season to take a parabolic shape, a bell-curve if you will. No, I expect he will throw for at least 8 TDs in this, the first game of the season and finish the season with 9 TDs and 20 INTs, hurting something around week 11 and dismantling his career starts streak.
Game: Minnesota @ New Orleans
Spread: New Orleans -4.5
Gutsy Pick: Minnesota beats the spread. I also think Minnesota will win this one. But don't worry saints fans, you won't lose many other games this season.
Now on to the Fantasy League:
1759ers (Guts' Team) v. Hellfish: In the most storied rivalry in Red Zone History, these teams meet for the 16th time. The 59ers own an 8-7 series advantage. Last year, the 59ers had Brees and cruised when he threw 6tds against the Lions. This year the Hellfish have Brees and Colston against the Vikings. Brees will throw 2 Tds and also 2 Picks. The Tds will be to Meachem and Bush. Mark it. 59ers roll. 71-60.
Robocops (Nums' Team) v. Old Rusty Nails: I hate Nums. Welcome to the league. Nails: 64-45.
Miami Sound Machine v. Roughnecks: In a rivalry that has been tested in the Fantasy Championship arena as well as the regular season, Miami owns a slight lead. They will widen that lead. 66-64.
Blood Money v. Kibbles and Vicks: Kibbles wins on the legs of Jahvid Best. Kibbles 58-55.
Fightendrunks v. X: Timmy Biggs smells like poop normally, but not this week. X on the Arm of Tom Brady. 71-63.
Sloptarts v. Hells Satans: I can't believe Hells Satans' draft "strategy". This bad a team would be expected in a 24 team league, not a 12 team league. Sloptarts 72-0.
NFL Predictions:
NFC East: 1. Cowboys. 2. Eagles. 3. Giants. 4. Redskins.
NFC North: 1. Packers. 2. Vikings. 3. Lions. 4. Bears.
NFC South: 1. Saints. 2. Falcons. 3. Panthers. 4. Bucs.
NFC West: 1. 49ers. 2. Seahawks. 3. Cardinals. 4. Rams
NFC Playoffs: #1. Saints. #2. Packers. #3. Cowboys. #4. 49ers. #5 Eagles. #6. Falcons.
Semis: Saints v. Falcons, Packers v. Eagles.
NFC Championship. Saints v. Packers.
Super Bowl Rep: Packers.
AFC East: 1. Patriots 2. Jets 3. Dolphins. 4. Bills.
AFC North: 1. Bengals. 2. Ravens. 3. Steelers. 4. Browns.
AFC South: 1. Colts. 2. Texans. 3. Titans. 4. Jags
AFC West: 1. Chargers. 2. Raiders. 3. Broncos. 4. Chiefs.
AFC Playoffs: #1. Colts. #2. Bengals. #3. Patriots. #4. Chargers. #5. Ravens. #6. Raiders.
Semis: Colts v. Ravens, Bengals v. Patriots
AFC Championship: Colts v. Patriots
Super Bowl Rep: Colts
Super Bowl: Packers v. Colts
NFL CHAMPION: Indianapolis Colts.
See you this weekend with the rest of the games.
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