Gut Picks

People who like numbers and formulas use tables. I'm not doing it. It's not because I don't know HTML (which is basically math) or because I couldn't get a table in this stupid box, it's because only spreadsheets/tables are unamerican, they don't let words roam free like the sweet sweet buffalo this land was built around. So here you go. My picks.

Arizona at Cincinnati: Cincy: I like the Bengals to win 2 in a row for the first time this year. I don’t care who QB’s for the Cardinals, they aren’t Carson. Kurt Warner is 45 and wears gloves. Tim Rattay used to be a 49er not named Montana or Young.
Guts Index (G):   10, its always a ten.
Heart Index (H): 3 hearts: One for each of Cincy's offensive weapons
America Index (A):  U.S.A. all the way
Spread: Cincy -3: Count on the Bengals to cover. I think if the Bengals win the game, which they will, they’ll win by at least 7

Cleveland at Baltimore: Cleveland: The Browns are playing good football. Even in a loss to Pitt they dominated the first half. Baltimore is not good. Boller will probably start, if they’re smart? He sucks. Nothing is going to help the Baltimore offense.
G: Superguts
H: 1 heart: and it goes out to McNair. Retire! You're broken.
A: Go for the Gold!
Spread: Cle -3: Once again, I like Cleveland to do their part, I see this game ending somewhere around 20-9 in favor of those Browns.Also, Romeo Crenel is great at Pac-Man

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Tampa Bay: Atlanta had a big win last week against Carolina. Tampa Bay is coming off of a bye week and should be rested enough to handle whatever Blow-me Harrington has to “throw” at them. Seeing how Jeff Garcia LOVES making the playoffs, it's time for him to push.
G: Sure as rain, gut pick
H: 2 hearts: for each of Jeff Garcia's wife's boobs. PLAYMATE!
A: For those about to rock... We salute you!
Spread: TB -3: Spreads are stupid. Like Atlanta, if it loses is gonna lose by 3? I think it’ll be close, but less than 3? If it was TB -4, then we’d talk. TB

New York at Detroit: Detroit: The Lions are 4-0 at home. After this Eli Manning INT-fest, they’ll be 5-0. I know, I know, ARZ beat them, but Jon Kitna has heart.
G: Henry Ford Guts
H: 4 hearts: 1 for each Eli Manning INT
A: God built America and God built the Lions
Spread: NY -3: Well, looks like the Giants can’t cover if they lose. Another 2nd half collapse starts now, and last week. Jim Fassel lives.

Miami at Philadelphia: Philly: They’re the home team, they’re the favorites, and they’re playing the Dolphins. John Beck will lose his first start. Take that Mormon.
G: Spill your Guts Pick- Don Shula, watch your legacy die.
H: 2 hearts: for each B in McNabb. 3 TDs
A: Spacious skies pick of the week
Spread: PHI-11 Oh this one will be closer than Vegas thinks. John Beck will provide a much needed improvement at the Q position. MIA

New Orleans at. Houston: New Orleans: What the hell was that game against the Rams? I’m ignoring it.
G: Katrina Survivor Guts
H: 2 hearts
A: 7
Spread: HOU-1: ? New Orleans

Carolina at Green Bay: Packers: Brett Favre vs. ? That’s right, very easy pick.
G: Brett Favre Guts
H: 1 heart: Vinny Testaverde’s is about to give out
A: 43: # of Presidents of the United States and of the free world
Spread: GB -10 Green Bay beat the Vikings by 34. I think they can handle this spread.

Oakland at. Minnesota: Oakland: Adrian Peterson is out, and we all saw what happened last week when he was out. I think if the Raiders are going to pull an upset, it’s here. What alot of you may not know is I'm a raiders fan. A proud one at that. But I'm not crazy, 
their defense can win them games.
G: 14
H: 2 hearts: For Each sport Bo Jackson played
A: Free public education
Spread: MN -6.5 OAK against the spread on this one, against the odds, and maybe against better judgment.

Kansas City at Indianapolis: Indy: Larry Johnson’s out again and it’s on turf. This favors playmakers Indy has more. Alot more. I think Harrison might be back, if not, they'll still win. 
Tony Dungy is the classiest coach out there.
G: Bloodsport
H: 2 hearts: For the # of losses Indy’s losing streak stops at.
A: Ice Hockey, the good kind.
Spread: IN -14.5 This is a huge spread, I want to pick KC but Indy’s gonna come out firing

San Diego at Jacksonville: San Diego: Huge win last week for SD, I like them to keep rolling. Nothing else to say.
G: Kettle Drums
H: 31 hearts: # of TDs LT should have by now.
A: Steve Perry
Spread: JAX -3 SD: I’m beginning to think James uses the spread to pick how he really wants to. You have no heart Gower

Washington at Dallas: Dallas: They’re good, probably the class of the NFC. We'll find out very soon when they get the Packers. But for now Smiling Tony Romo is on Cloud Nine.
G: Kurtis Fleming Guts
H: 26 hearts: # of Tony Romo Teeth that show when he smiles
A: America’s Team
Spread: DAL -11 DAL: Big spread, Big win at home

Pittsburgh at New York Jets: Pittsburgh: With Indy’s recent woes, this is the second best team in the NFL. They play well on all three sides of the ball.
G: Mangina
H: 1 big heart for NY. You’ll win something soon
A: 24 Karat Pick
Spread: PIT -8.5: Pittsburgh will cover. I live there. I'll make sure it happens

St. Louis at San Francisco: St. Louis: San Fran is the worst team in the NFL
G: Who cares?
H: “
A: “
Spread: STL -3:  STL

Chicago at Seattle: Chicago: Grossman is back. Hmm… surprise? Anything to get the fans on his side again so he can let them down
G: Gut Rumbler
H: 1: My inevitably broken one. Thanks Rex
A: America loves to hate Rex, He's like the President of the United States of Chicago
Spread: SEA -4.5 CHI: Bear down Chicago Bears.

New England vs. Buffalo: New England: It doesn’t matter if it snows 10 feet in Buffalo, Brady will still throw 3 tds. Bye week to prepare? Don Shula’s comments? Come on! Also I heard A-rod might sign with the Pats.
G: Easy
H: 1: Slow beater, no problem
A: Pats are red, white, and blue
Spread: NE -14.5 You want me to say BUF. No. NE

Tennessee at Denver: Denver: It matters if it’s cold in Denver. Vince Young is having trouble, gulp* throwing the football. Denver’s coming off a must win, and playing a will-win. Unlike my colleague I believe home field counts for something.
G: GUT CHECK 2
H: Mike Shannahan has no heart
A: Trustbusting!
Spread: DEN -3 I’ll take TENN. This will be a patented Elam field goal victory.


There you have it. Everyone has guts, I just use them to make winning picks.